Daughter of Encouragement

Debbie came home crying, she could not believe all what was happening to her. It has been two years of a hellish relationship with Williams and she is now confused as her marriage seemed to be crumbling before her very eyes. “What has gone wrong? Did I marry inGod’s will or was I ruled by my own emotions” she asked herself. This is just a scenario of what is happening to millions of young men and women 

This is just a scenario of what is happening to millions of young men and women today. The question I would like to pose to you is how much of your emotions should you allow to come to play when praying for a life partner?

From experience, I have found that women and so also with men, are easily swayed by their emotions. When it comes to the issue of marriage, we often have a list of the qualities this mystery man or woman must possess, and once we sight this person, it is a love at first sight.

Many years ago as an undergraduate, I was swayed off my feet when a young brother was so nice to me, caring, spiritual and of course very handsome. I was so happy about this and I believed this person was God’s will for my life. I went to the Lord in prayer, and I believed God said yes. I held unto this conviction for many years waiting for the brother to one day walk up to me and fulfil my desire by proposing marriage. Of course the poor brother did not know anything about this and so the obvious was the outcome, nobody came to propose to me. I felt disappointed and I began to ask questions, did God actually say this brother was going to be my husband or was it just my emotions?

My dear brethren, the truth of the matter is that as long as you are already fascinated and in love with the opposite sex, it is very difficult to hear from the Lord what his mind is concerning the relationship. This usually would happen when you are already emotionally involved with this person. Your emotions will rule and not the Spirit of God. You will naturally believe that the desire is from God and so want him to sanction it. You already “love” this person and so all you want to hear is God saying YES to your prayer.

God does not operate in this manner. He is not a rubber stamp God. The bible says that the thoughts he has towards us are good, to give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). What this means is that he would give you His best, as this is His plan for your life.  However, if you insist on having your own way, He will let go and He will answer you according to the idol you have set up in your heart. The bible says in Ezekiel 14:4b “Everyman of the house of Israel that setteth up his idols in his heart, and putteth the stumbling block of his iniquity before his face and cometh to the prophet: I the Lord will answer him that cometh according to the multitude of his idols”. What this implies is that as long as you hold the desire of this person in your heart and go to God in prayer, it is what you want to hear that you will hear. God will answer you according to what is in your heart.

Before I got engaged to my husband, I met a Christian brother in the northern part of Nigeria, whom I really liked. I was still praying for God’s will about this person when my husband came along to propose marriage to me. I did not quite fancy getting married to my husband even though there was nothing wrong with his appearance, after all, he was my friend, but  I did not give him a good response. However, I went to the Lord in prayer with fasting for about three days; no eating nor drinking because I was desperate to know God’s will. I was not ready to miss it in this area as I had heard and seen many disasters in marriage. I laid all before him raising these issues before the Lord. I remember saying to the Lord that I wanted his perfect will so whoever he led me to would be my husband. I fancied the other brother, but I laid my emotions at the altar of God. I believe by God’s grace I was as honest as I could be, and in a very dramatic and miraculous way I married God’s perfect will for my life. I have not regretted this move ever since and I am glad that I am married to the best man in the whole universe.

This will be your testimony if you are honest with yourself and allow God to speak and not your emotions. There are many books on marriage and how to know God’s will, go to any Christian bookshop and grab a good book on marriage and how to know God’s will. Do not be ignorant of what God has for you or else you might live to regret your marriage. It is so unfortunate that many born -again Christians have gone into marriage only to find that it had been a wrong and rushed choice. You do not have to go through the same ordeal. God is a good God and he wants the very best for you.

In conclusion, do not get carried away by the fact that someone has been nice to you, and as a result it must be a way of God confirming that this person is His choice for you in marriage. God is not an author of confusion, if you allow Him; He will lead and guide you aright. He promised in His word “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life” (Psalm 32:8 NLT), He also commands us in Proverbs 3: 5-7 to trust Him with our whole heart and not to lean on our own understanding. When you choose without the guidance of God, you are bound to choose wrongly because your judgement will be based on what you know, hear, or see about this person, but when you allow God, you are allowing Him who knows the heart of all men to choose for you. He says in his word “The Lord doesn’t make decisions the way you do! People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at a person’s thought and intentions”(1 Samuel 16:7 NLT) since He knows this person you have fallen in love with more than you do, why not let Him handle the matter for you? Give your anxiety about marriage unto the Lord and He will perfect all that concerns you. My prayer for you is that you will not make a wrong choice but live to have a blessed and fulfilled home in Jesus name.

You might have seen yourself in the light of what has been said and are wondering what to do in order to get things right, I recommend the following below to get yourself on the right path.

Have a personal relationship with God and get to know how He speaks to you through the Holy Spirit. It is so sad to say that many Christians do not know when God is speaking and this is either because they are not bothered to know or they always rely on their pastor and ministers to hear from God on their behalf.  Jesus said,” My sheep hear my voice and I know them and they follow me” (John10: 27). Get to know how God speaks to you. Learn to obey the Holy Spirit’s promptings in little matters and as you do so, you will not find it difficult when He is leading you in big matters as marriage. He speaks to us in different ways and through various channels. He does not have a set way of speaking or leading His children because He is God. He might choose to speak to you through His word, which is the most authentic means He uses. He might choose to lead or speak through prophesy, church sermon, your friends, circumstances, dreams, visions etc. For this reason, do not ask Him to speak to you in a particular way. Just ask Him to lead you in a way that you will understand and He will answer you. As you wait for an answer, do not be in a hurry. Be still and know He is God for He makes all things beautiful in HIS time (Ecclesiastes 3:11) and not yours.

Before getting involved in friendship with the opposite sex, guard your emotions, do not let it run riot. The bible says” Guard your heart for it affects everything you do” (Proverbs 4:23 NLT) this is usually the problem. I am not suggesting that you cannot be close to your friend, but if the closeness will leave you confused as to thinking God is speaking to you about the person when He is not, and then define the relationship from the on set. Before I got married, I always prayed about every male friend I came in contact with. This was after getting me into trouble with my emotions. If along the line God wants you to pay more attention to the relationship in terms of marriage, He will lead you aright.

Do not use your emotional state to twist the God’s arms in agreeing with your Desire. He is a loving father and knows what is best for you. I am not saying your emotions are bad, but it has its place when relationship is concerned. It is always a disaster when you find that you have given your heart to the wrong person.

As much as God will lead you, the decision is still yours. You have the choice of rejecting or accepting God’s choice for your life. He will not force his will on you He said in Gen 6: 3 “My Spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh” as we are free moral agents, we have the ability to choose what is good or bad and that is why we are not robots.

Are you already married and have found out that your choice was wrong, do not seek to divorce your spouse but first ask for God’s forgiveness. Ask Him to give you a new beginning. The bible says in Matthew 7:7 “keep on asking and you will be given what you ask for; keep on looking and you will find. Keep on knocking and the door will be opened for everyone who asks receives everyone who seeks finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks” (Matt7:7NLT) as you seek the Lord in prayer, He will change your situation and give you a brand new home in Jesus name.

Kike